Chaos Kid's letter to Eminem part 2: Famous Last Words?

Marshall,

I've heard the "Airplanes Pt. II" song you did with B.o.B. & Hayley of Paramore & I'll say this:

First of all, this is not the way I would prefer to go about things. This is admittedly a bit embarassing & awkward to have to send someone a personal message on a public site. I would rather just call you and talk to you about this but once again you have gone back on your word. There's a lyric in your verse "Pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend". ? If you want a real friend, perhaps you should try being one. Last time I talked to you, you claimed you never meant to fall out of touch with me and promised you would keep in touch about once a week and if I called you would return my call within a week. Yet, I talked to you twice and once again I can't get through on the number you left me and I haven't heard from you in months. So, here we go:

Speaking of talent shows in a gymnasium, have you forgotten the lyrics to Soul Intent?

chorus:

"What's your Intent?
I'm analyzing every cut your in to judge your intent.
I wanna know where you stand, I mean, as far as who you are
How would you act if you woke up and tomorrow you're a star?"

lines from last verse:

"The rapper that's real is the one that stuck to his roots
Because they got ahold of him so much they stuck to his boots
And the only way to tell if he's really real is wait until he's made a mil
And then you ask him if he still, and if he's real then still he will."

Need I say more? Perhaps you have forgotten you said that so it's just an error on your part that you left me behind? Because shit, homeslice, its been 12-13 years since you made your first mil and you still ain't come around. Does it relieve your guilty conscience to blame it on me, the reason I've never "made it" by insinuating I'm lazy and have no motivation in the "Airplanes Pt. II" lyrics? Well, if that's your stance it seems like you've been flying so high in your airplane in the sky that you've lost those roots stuck to your boots and now you're taking the typical approach the rich take with the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" philosophy. I believe it was MLK Jr. when speaking on the building of the beloved community who said, "It's tough to pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you are bootless". Actually, here's a link to the context of the speech: http://tinyurl.com/26hh4b7

People forget that one of our most celebrated American Heroes, Dr. MLK Jr. was not, according to Christian principles, a supporter of the capitalist system. In fact, he was very critical in denouncing it. You'll notice how he makes reference to how black people were not given any land when they were "freed". But the truth of the matter is, that is the current state of the vast percentage of America's people regardless of color and in this current economic crisis, which is the result of the never-ending greed of corporations, every 7 seconds someone loses their home in this country.

Not only did you go out of your way to express this sentiment in lyrics, but whether you remember it or not, we made a promise to each other personally that whoever "made it" through the door first would help the other out. Why would you even bother to express this sentiment in lyrics - the idea of an artist reaching back to help out his homies if you didn't have sympathy for the plight of the poor and working class in this country FROM DIRECT EXPERIENCE? If it is so easy to "make it" and everyone could just be "rich" and "happy" if they just worked hard enough, then why bother to even say something like that? Another quote from the Soul Intent lyrics: "..probably my only ticket out.." Ticket out of what? The hell of poverty? One of the biggest parts of the hell of poverty is how hard people have to work to produce crap for the greedy. Your biggest challenge now is - now that you have become so financially successful - to not turn a blind eye to the reality of the world. Don't delude yourself by thinking that its a miraculously different world somehow because you've been blessed enough to "make it". Life is a constant Spiritual Warfare, Sun. How many more millions do you need to make and how many more years need to go by before you reach back and help me out? Have I not been patient enough? Can you even fathom how discouraging it is to put in such hard work into doing ANYTHING - music, whatever - and have to deal with the betrayal of someone like you? Let me be clear: put yourself in my shoes - what if I was the one that had achieved financial success - and to the extent that you have - after all the years that we worked hard together - and I totally left you behind and not only that, led you on saying I would come around and NEVER DID, meanwhile, you still having to deal with the daily BS of the capitalist grind? Seriously, pause for a minute and consider it. I remember there being a couple occasions where you had said, "man, if I don't make it by this time.. I'm quitting". So we were already feeling the weight of how hard it is before you even made it. And it's been, like I said, 12-13 years now. So just try to imagine how I feel.

The truth is, if I was in your shoes, it would NOT be this way. If I was the one who had made it, I would have reached back for you in a REAL way a LONG TIME AGO. I would have hoped that a person such as yourself who has been so blessed with so much success, that it might have made you a happier person who was overjoyed with the opportunity presented yourself with being able to help others out (at least your friends), but it seems it has only made you more miserable.

You know what the really sad thing about this is? Besides the fact that I even need to have this conversation with you? Is that you know I'm a good-hearted person with a good will to do good. I'm not your mom or your dad but unfortunately, it seems you have let the nature of your relationship with them distort your whole outlook on life and everyone in it and in the process just end up becoming what you hate. You seem to have let the negativity you have experienced with them ruin your ability to have meaningful connections and relationships with others. I feel for you. Our childhood experiences and the nature of our relationship with our mother and father (or lack thereof) is a big determining factor in shaping a person's personality and their outlook on life and people. I've experienced things that have been a real challenge to me, too that you don't even know about that I won't go into because its too personal but I can tell you that just 3 years ago I was physically assaulted by my Dad. So you tell me what's worse - never knowing your father - or having a father that doesn't give a fuck about you and let's you know just how worthless he thinks you are by physically assaulting you? Do you have any idea what the relationship I have with my mom is like? I'm sure its not as bad as the one you've had with yours because there are things I actually love about my mother but on the other hand.. I won't even go into it, if you really care to know, i'll leave that for our next phone conversation. Btw, both my parents have done time in mental institutions if the contest here is who has the biggest excuse for not having more love in their hearts.

But like I said, you know I'm a good-hearted person who has a good will to do good. You know I have always wrote lyrics expressing my aspirations for social change and have always been motivated in that direction. One of my biggest challenges since adulthood has been trying to figure out what I should do with my time taking EVERYTHING into consideration. And as I've gotten more educated and experienced more, I reached a point where I started devoting more time to pursuing social change on a grassroots level than doing music. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make because sometimes love requires sacrifice of certain of your heart's desires in order to do the higher good. Still, the desire to do music has always been with me because its such a part of who I am and what has inspired and educated me TOWARDS social change. I was just thinking you would eventually come around and we could work together through music and/or on issues that we both felt were important. I understood that you had kind of an instant, overnight success and catapult into super-stardom with the Slim Shady LP so I was willing to be patient, let you enjoy that and figure out how to adjust to all the changes. I tried to take all this into consideration as the years went by, you calling a handful of times expressing just enough interest to get me excited about possibilities, yet you would never call back and I COULD NEVER GET AHOLD OF YOU.

See, what I've come to realize is - part of what love is - is being willing to help someone out in the way they WANT it or need it, not the way you expect it. That is, unless it offends your sense of what is right or wrong. Yet it seems to me the approach you've taken for years is that you are only willing to help me and be my friend if I rap and not only that because you allow us to fall out of contact for years. That's fucked up because REAL friends can allow each other to grow and change and are still friends. I told you years ago, around the time of the release of the Marshall Mathers LP that I was willing to let go of music to devote full time to more humanitarian social work that is still desperately needed and I thought you had the heart to want to be a part of it and work on it with me. I never thought that all you cared about was music & fame - even after you've achieved such success? - I thought you would want to do something with it - put more substance behind what you are saying or even if you were doing more mainstream music, still having the heart to devote some time, energy & financing towards larger humanitarian goals. And here I was, communicating to you that even though I still had never experienced the thrill of being able to do music full time & the fame that I was willing to give that up just to be more of the man behind the scenes working on these issues with you - to help you achieve what I thought was in both of our heart's desires and soul's intent. To somehow make the world a better place - help humanity - at least Detroit. I wasn't asking YOU to give up doing music - I was just thinking I could help you create something like - the Shady Foundation for... whatever. Maybe you didn't understand this. But the 2 or 3 times you came around, you would always 'have to go' before we really had a chance to develop the ideas and then it was just 'back to the grind' for me. Maybe you thought my ideas were too radical then, that I had a little too much of a pessimistic outlook or militant attitude towards what needed to be done to see Justice in this country and in the world. And I would say that if that was the way you were feeling, that I actually agree with you now. I still believe in most of the PRINCIPLES I believed in then, but life is a constant learning and growing process and I have definitely changed some of my ideas on methods. I still believe, we as a people can create great change through concentrated effort towards realizing Justice - towards making the world a better, safer, more SUSTAINABLE place for us & for future generations. But it takes people like you - who actually have the expendable income to finance such endeavors to help get it started.. and to actually give a shit and sit down with a person like me and let's have some fun figuring out what's most important and what we can do. If you applied even just a fraction of your work ethic, passion and talent you have for music towards social justice, just think of what we could do!

And that's what I don't get about you! You know I'm not just looking for a hand-out. I could never in a 1,000 years achieve all that I would like to achieve and work towards, yet that's the way you treat me, like I just want some $ to sit on my ass. Shit, even if I didn't have the desire to do all this good, I could still argue based on the principle of friendship and what you have expressed in lyrics that it would make sense that you would have a desire to help me out if only in a personal way - that you would care about Chaos Kid's well-being. But I'm not so concerned about my well-being! I just want to be able to help others! Sure, I'm a person just like anybody else in this material universe and I need sustenance to survive but what's going to give me peace of mind is knowing I did all I could to make the world a better place - even if it all ends tomorrow. Don't you realize what an awesome opportunity you have to do good in this world?! Maybe you don't and maybe I wasn't thinking about things in a practical enough way. But the fact is, I have the SPIRIT to do this but still, I'm only one person. When I first started talking to you about this, it was more abstract - but I'm cutting you some slack here because you're still the person who I should have been able to count on helping to turn these dreams into reality! - By just talking about it with me and finding the common theoretical ground we can work from - and then discussing the most practical way to achieve it and to hopefully help it become a financially self-sustaining entity. Because a few years later down the line, I have only sharpened my focus on practical & peaceful methods of turning these goals into reality. They have become less abstract and more focused on practical steps to reach it. But what's the purpose of me learning all this stuff if you're the one who's actually in a position of power to do something about it and you won't do anything about it! And won't even talk to me about it! Do you realize how discouraging that is? To think of how much good you could do if you're friend would only give a fuck about you and risk believing in you long enough to at least discuss it?

Do you even remember that for a couple of months I let Denine live at our house in your room for free because I knew you guys were struggling to get Infinite recorded and I was doing my best to be a real soul bro? I don't even like to bring shit like that up, I don't feel I should have to but I don't understand you. So what if our musical tastes diverged drastically, it isn't and wasn't about that. Its about being a good person.

The truth is, the state of this world is fucked and I have lost a lot of my desire to just do music as a career because of it. Shit, one of the theories on why the dinosaurs went extinct is because they lacked ADAPTABILITY. Which, to be real, is the biggest crisis humanity is facing right now. You once told me that you thought me to be one of the smartest people you know and that you always thought I would be one who would "make it", too. And I always appreciated that comment. And maybe my ego had been too big to tolerate there for awhile - nobody's perfect - I have my flaws, and I admit that. And if you can imagine my frustration in having such desire to change shit but not having the means to make it happen - so you shouldn't take it all so personally. But the truth is, if you considered me to be one of the smartest people you know, then isn't that someone worth keeping around? But I'm really starting to believe the fact of the matter is, that "intelligence" you see, it appears you want to stay blind to because it doesn't paint the perfect picture you want to see does it? Let's look at the world honestly, how much can the human race continue on the trend it has been going on - and survive? It can't. And that's the reason why I don't have this desire to "make it" that you think I should or wish I had. Make what? Make myself "rich" and sit back content while the rest of the world rots and suffers? Where then is the joy in being financially successful if you can't help other people? If you have no one to share your success with and help other people realize their potential? To improve the living conditions and opportunities for the average person? The same dog-eat-dog, cannibalistic capitalistic mentality that creates the world we live in in which 1% of the world's population controls 99% of the world's wealth has devastated our beautiful, mother earth - our natural environment which WE DEPEND ON to the point where many scientists who have studied this kind of thing for years are saying, "Humanity is now entering the 6th major extinction (the 5th being the dinosaurs)". IN OUR LIFETIME. I heard a scientist just the other day say that we have, at best, a 120 year window. That the choices that humanity makes in our lifetime, in the next 120 years, will be pivotal - the determining factor on whether or not we can continue to exist on this earth as a species.

You talk about how much you care for your daughter. That's one area I think I actually believe you in. So ask yourself this, is this the world you want to leave for her? A world fighting wars over water? It won't matter how much money you have saved for her when the water from Michigan is all dried up and imported off elsewhere. It won't matter how much money you have when there are no VITAL RESOURCES left to spend it on, will it? If we manage to survive to old age - if your daughter manages to survive to old age - what about your grandchildren? Shit, we'll be lucky if WE survive to an old age with the way this world is going - and you're just gonna sit back and let it happen? Play Donkey Kong? They are saying California has got 20 years of water left - New Mexico - 10 maybe. Nestle is stealing Michigan water and importing it off to other countries, destroying Michigan's local communities. I spend time studying this stuff, but what good does it do? Let's face reality: I GOT A LOT OF IDEAS ABOUT THINGS WE COULD DO TO CHANGE THIS BECAUSE IVE SPENT A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT IT. But what can I do as one person thinking about the big picture if I don't have a friend like you who has the means to do something about the big picture and is willing to face this reality with me and help me do something about it? Seriously, did you ever think that perhaps there was a reason why we met each other and came into each other's lives and perhaps that purpose isn't fulfilled yet? That perhaps, even if I stopped rapping or doing music altogether - that I'm still an important person with something valuable to contribute and by being humble enough to learn from each other, we could accomplish something great together? Do you ever wonder that perhaps my greatest gift is not in music but lies in some other form of work? And that part of the reason we met is to help each other accomplish something truly awesome for the greater good of humanity? I have had this belief for years and have just been studying up, waiting for its fulfillment.

And the struggle continues with or without Marshall Mathers and I'll do what I can regardless but the truth of the matter is, the majority of people can't afford to do anything other than be a cog in the machine of having to go to work day in, day out just to put a roof over the head and cover their basic expenses because of the GREED of the few. They don't have the time or energy left to devote to even becoming educated or considering possible alternatives because of this. And the sad part about it is that it is this system of survival struggle that is destroying our ability to sustain as a species. We need to slow production down and stop depleting resources so rapidly. We need people to have more time to become involved in actually having a community, being able to participate more directly in politics, grow gardens and devise alternate ways of producing energy. If you weren't aware of the water crisis, I'm sure you are at least aware of the fact that we have been having wars over oil and globally we have reached what scientists call "peak oil" - meaning that, its all down hill from here unless we can create some other mass form of energy for society to rely on. Again, this is happening in OUR LIFETIME. Do you know how many people will die if we don't come down to earth and start creating locally self-sufficient economies? If we don't start relying on getting our food from local resources - growing our own - producing more of our basic needs on a local level - and there is no oil - how are the trucks going to get the food into the cities and suburbs? There is a really good documentary on this I implore you to watch called "The End of Suburbia: Oil Depletion and the End of the American Dream" which details just how real and close this crisis is to hitting home. Shit, even if we as American and European nations can continue to kill enough smaller countries to take their oil so we can survive to live to be maybe 70 or 80 years old, like I said, what world are we leaving for our children and grandchildren? If we could create a world where we could guarantee their safety, it still is not ethically right to be killing! Don't you want to change this?

So the real question on the table at the end of the day is "how do you want to be remembered?" as one of the best MCs in the world and the richest entertainer in history who did nothing to change this? Or as a hero - that - even if we can't save humanity from going the way of the dinosaurs - we at least tried? We did what we could to make the world a better place? I just turned 36. You just turned 38. How much longer are you going to keep using up all those resources that we are having wars over flying around the world making more $ when you already have more than you could ever spend in who knows how many lifetimes? I'm saying: use me. Use this good heart, brain and soul to help save this world for ourselves and our children. How can your conscience rest knowing that you could do so much good and that you have a friend who is willing & dedicated to put in the effort and have fun making this happen with you and you just turn your back on him? Haven't you had enough fun with seeing the world yet? Isn't it time to step it up a notch?

I never used to believe this but now I do believe that we can do radically good things and still make $ doing it. We just don't have to be the greedy capitalist bastards who charge as much as they can for it when you already have so much capital to work from. We can save lives by devising affordable ways to get people off of the oil grid. We can employ people in this field - sales & installation of Solar & Wind Power and other alternate methods of energy production and use this as a way to finance political reform in areas that will help people also. I have done door-to-door canvassing for Clean Water Action protecting Michigan's water to keep it safe for drinking. I'm willing to go door-to-door by myself or with a team selling & installing alt. energy and petitioning for progressive legislation but I need help funding it & I need help with ideas. The more you can be involved with your time, the better. This is just the gist and scratching the surface of the ideas I have on what we could do. I want to know what you think and I want you to stop giving up on me. I want you to realize the magnitude of this crisis we have as humanity and use me as a way to help us out of this mess. I'm willing to compromise, but I need real friendship and a business partner to help with this.

Does it really make you feel good in some perverted way for who knows what reason to know that you can be responsible for not allowing me to achieve all that I can just by refusing to be my friend and participate? Sure, I still have my life to live with or without you, but it will never take away from the fact that you could have helped me to achieve so much more for humanity just by allowing our association in the past to amount to something worthwhile and choosing to help me out in a positive direction.

Where is your Soul Intent?

Reaching out,
James